(This photo of a nearby beach felt like it was saying, “After the mess there is space and a clearing ahead for you to find what you’re looking for.”) As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, while I imagine you are enjoying my photos and descriptions, the fact is, I am here, taking this journey, because I felt lost and disconnected from myself. If life had signs for me, or the universe was guiding me, I could not see or feel those signs anymore. I knew something was wrong.
I’ve spent years meditating, taking vacations, trying yoga, going out with friends, staying home alone, drinking, not drinking, eating healthy, eating whatever I wanted, shopping, saving, consulting spiritual advisors, being married, getting divorced, traveling to Arizona, studying Buddhism, starting businesses tied to passions,….you name it, I tried it, and yet, I still felt disconnected. The more that disconnection grew, the more disappointed I grew in everything I did. Once my heart started hurting, literally, I knew I had to change my life, or it would kick me in the, apparently, chest.
The thing I’ve always loved is travel and meeting people, so that’s why I chose my current path. A little while ago, I started doubting this choice. I found I couldn’t travel to the city I wanted to meet up with friends, and was at a camping hotel where the manager was an absolute unhelpful git, I felt like I didn’t want to pack, unpack, and travel anymore, and felt, to be honest, a bit homesick.
But then I remembered the universe had told me on Playa Flamingo to “go a little further”. So, rather than give up, I plodded onwards. This is when things got interesting.
I was eager to get to Samara where a lovely couple I met from Victoria Canada, Maggie and Lloyd (see my cool people page!) were staying. For some odd reason, I kept referring to it as “Samsara” with an extra “s”. Longer story short, transportation there from Corcovado, where I was, would either be 12+ hours or $400, so I decided on a closer town called “Uvita”. Checking out available hotels, I knew mine right away – it was called “Hotel Samsara.” That was the first sign.
When I arrived, my room wasn’t ready, so I was told about a walk through the jungle to get to the nearby beach. Naturally, I took that walk.
All the wildlife tours I took paid off – I saw tons of wildlife and knew each one intimately. The tree leaf cutter ants, the lizards, the birds, but when I heard the noise of a clearly larger animal I began to worry…until I discovered I happened on to a herd of cows in the middle of the jungle! Another sign I was in the right place.
When I arrived on the beach, I was just overwhelmed by the beauty and expansiveness and peace. I felt really joyful and light.
I walked along the beach and took lots of photos of the view, but it was the sand that caught my eye. Suddenly I was seeing what looked like art made by the ocean. Some of the “paintings” looked like angels or fairies. Another sign. (I do not consider myself religious, rather when religious items come in to my life I feel like the universe is speaking to me.)
When I walked back to my hotel, I noticed a small river below, and on one edge, a lizard. I love lizards, so stopped to admire it. And then, all of a sudden, it ran right on top of the water! It was a Jesus Christ lizard, of course. For the first time on my journey, I felt signs were showing up, and breathed a sigh of contentment, hoping to begin to see more pieces of what brings me joy in life.