What’s Really Mine?
Breaking away from what others thought I should do and be….
One of the themes coming up for me as I explore what I want to do next is what’s really mine? What I mean is, what are MY ideas and MY way of doing things and MY way of existing? People talk about how we become a product of our environment and influenced by the people around us, and as I expose myself to new environments and open space, I am deeply aware of how many other people’s beliefs I’ve been shedding along the way in order to find and ground in my own.
Sometimes the layers you’ve acquired feel like carrying a monkey on your back.
There are a few things I consciously left behind a year ago. One of them was “hustle.” This need to be everywhere and do everything in order to get whatever my objectives were. Instead, I took a step back, and decided to see what I wanted to do, do that, and see what develops from that, organically. Another thing I left behind is doing things the way other people tell me to, at the expense of my own natural instincts. Even in my own business I felt like the speaking I was doing was based around someone else’s words and I couldn’t find my own. I no longer want to speak someone else’s words to convert a room. I want to speak my own words to make a difference.
“Finding a sense of myself I can now infuse it into everything I do.”
Spending a bit more time in New York than originally anticipated, I ended up at some networking events. One of the ones I went to felt like the room was filled with a multitude of egos. It made me disappointed because I had hoped to find myself in a room full of business peers. As I find my way, I’m curious about which rooms full of people will feel like my people, my tribe, my true colleagues.
What I do know more strongly now is that what truly lights me up is doing and creating and meeting new people. I love brainstorming, creativity, coming up with new ideas and being in an evolution of change and growth. (If that meant I could grow a few inches taller too, sign me up!) This is what’s really mine; what makes me, me. Though at times I may walk into rooms that are “not mine” it’s still refreshing that I at least know the room I’m looking for. By becoming more me, I can feel more strongly where I feel aligned and not aligned. While that can be, at times, disappointing, it’s also deeply fulfilling to know how strong my sense of self has developed.