No More Shitsville

Sometimes you need to go back to where you started to see how much you’ve changed. On my recent trip back to New York, I got to see how much stronger I feel, and more devoted I am to choosing a life that makes me happy over a life that feels like I’m following “what I’m supposed to do” in an effort to appease, well, anyone and society who thinks I’m supposed to live my life to their specifications.

That got me thinking about “Shitsville” – you know the place. It’s where your life pretty much sucks. You probably have one thing you want (money, love, health…) but you have to put up with so much shit to keep it that you’re mostly miserable, just to keep this one thing that you think is good, but in reality, if you really think about it, isn’t what you really want. So, in effect, your Shitsville is putting up with lots of shit so you can keep something you really also think is shit, but aren’t yet willing to admit that you want something else. The worst part is, you’ve dressed up Shitsville like a rainbow unicorn and gotten so used to living there that you think it’s normal and you make excuses to keep putting up with more shit because you actually think it’s pretty. (I say this, with love, as only a former Shitsville resident can.)

I realized that I’m done with that (I certainly hope I can keep being done with it my whole life). At the very least, I’ve learned that I need to figure out what’s most important to me so that whatever shit I have to put up with feels worthwhile, instead of like a never-ending chore that doesn’t even get me happiness.

I understand how lucky I am right now to be in the situation I am. Well, it’s not really luck, it’s 15 – 20 years of thinking I want something else for myself, and having some semblance of a plan to make it a reality. Nonetheless, here I am able to spend at least a part of my life doing what I want to do, and not doing what I don’t want to do. So I have the rare privilege of seeing friends or strangers and noticing when they seem to be completely in Shitsville rather than creating a life that makes them happy, or, at the very least, going out on a limb and taking even a small risk to create at least the first step that makes them happy.

For me, I hope I never return to Shitsville. For you, if you’re in it, I hope you might find your way to even one small step to moving out of Shitsville to creating a life that truly is in integrity with who you are and what you want.