Letting Go of All That Control (Is Pretty Damn Hard But Has to Happen)

When I started this adventure, I had very clear ideas and a plan. Once I chose the hemisphere I would travel to, I decided I’d spend two weeks in Costa Rica, two weeks in Peru and two weeks in Argentina. As someone that normally takes 1 – 2 week vacations, six weeks seemed like a HUGE chunk of time and I was looking forward to getting all those stamps in my passport. I booked all the hotels and buses for my first two weeks in Costa Rica, and then I stopped myself.

My entire point was to “go with the flow” and decide, in the moment, where I would go and what I would do. I had just eradicated my ability to do that because, as a person who attempts to always do what she says and plans, I would feel badly undoing all those plans. It was really tough to stop that planning, but I took a breath, and stopped.

As I mentioned in another post, once I reached the end of that second week, where my plans ran out, that’s when I had a total meltdown. I seriously contemplated ending my adventure and giving up. It’s that bad when you bump up against how you “always” do things and try to change your habits. However, if you can ride through that initial misery, confusion and discomfort, that’s where you really learn what you’re made of. 

The Carribbean seen from Cahuita National Park.

What surprised me about the outcome of my meltdown was that I learned my trip was not to run around and visit every country I could. No, that was what I did on vacations that were so short I had all the pressure on me to see EVERY possible tourist attraction possible. In fact, what I had completely forgotten is what it’s like to immerse yourself in a foreign country; the delight of getting to really know the place and the people, learning to assimilate to cultural norms and be there so long that you no longer blend in with people from your own country.

When I took this photo I realized how American this family seemed – “you can tell the Americans – they all order bottled water!” I realized I had been drinking tap water for weeks, and no longer had the same fears that passerby to Costa Rica have.

It was only after I booked my flight to Peru that I realized I no longer felt like going. The idea of spending the remaining four weeks of my travels on airplanes, tour buses and generally starting all over on the lack of knowledge latter had lost it’s appeal. Instead, I decided to immerse myself in the wonderful nature right in front of me, to hear “con much gusto” and “pura vida” each day, and really do what I wanted each day, even if that was just to stare at nature and nothing more.

Because of this decision I made wonderful friends I would not otherwise have met. My mind got to relax and contemplate my surroundings rather than worry about planning, packing, etc. I even stayed in one city long enough to start getting job offers! 

While this process of letting go of control and making plans last minute (and sometimes daring to change those last minute plans at an even laster minute (!)) has been difficult, it’s what is truly allowing me to be open to opportunity and flow, at long last.